Confession: I don’t want a “real job” right now

My latest day job just ended.

Or rather, it transitioned. I went from being a long term (go in every day, prep lessons, grade things) substitute in Latin for 9 weeks to being… a regular sub, a person they just call when teachers are out sick.

The long term sub position was sweet, though short-lived. I knew that it would end, and when it would end. And I didn’t work really hard to replace it.

People ask me now how the job search is going, and I prevaricate.

Because I think the truth makes me sound lazy or complacent? Or like I’m off in the clouds? These are pitfalls to which I was always a little prone.

I don’t actually want to have a “real job” right now. I’m tired of trying to find meaning in and make a long-term (life-term?) career. There are things I really like about being a teacher, and things I think would destroy me if I stared too long into that void. My old school recently reached out to ask if I was interested in coming back. This tells me that in their eyes, and perhaps generally, I am the best person for that job.

But that job is not very good for me.

And right now, I’m pretty content to catch-as-catch-can in a relatively low-paying non-ladder-climbing combination of subbing and doing online class modules. I know it’s not the best I can do, work-wise. But. I have other stuff I want to do, stuff I want to do more than I want to saddle myself with another “real job.”

I’m tired of giving all the best of myself to jobs. I have other work in my life.

I want to take care of myself, be present in my relationships, and write. I have begun working on a DIY MFA and am considering NaNoWriMo.

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One Response to Confession: I don’t want a “real job” right now

  1. Best of luck with NaNo. I did it last year. It is amazing how much support and feedback the NaNo communities provide. Cheers

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